In all my years of fighting, in over half a decade, I'd never once looked, mostly out of fear at what I would see, what it was like on the other side: the side of my caregivers. Ok, that'd be a lie. I'd think about it just enough to not be a pain in the ass, to be cute, compliant, even funny. Now, time has taken its toll. Making jokes and being easy to chill with are still important, but the people surrounding me, they've selflesslly loved me and keep on loving, despite having to watch their nightmare come true. I don't know why today the reality crept in. The feelings must have been so strong. I had the best christmas ever. It felt unfilled and carefree with excitement. We knew we had enough to enjoy the holiday and each other. I just suddenly saw and felt the words like it's own message. Maybe someone was sending one to me, but it's gone. I'm feeling ill. I'm so excited to have had today with my friends and family.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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