Still sick: Happy 2012

I haven't been this ill since my first transplant when mucositis tore out my bowel. Literally, my entire GI tract was one big oozing hole of pain with multitudes of cancres. I've been through lung failure, septicemia, relapses and kidney failures but none other will make you feel as terminally ill than this. I advise avoiding pain at all costs, but if you have to avoid it piece by piece 1. Don't mess with the eyes or teeth 2. Don't hurt the lungs/ability to breathe. The second will make you feel like you're dying. The first is so unbearable you'll want to kill yourself. 3. Do not get an inflammatory bowel issue. It will rule your life. I haven't had a meal in over a month. I'm still dropping weight despite the steroids. I think I need to take at least 60mg daily, but I've been taking 50mg. I've been too sick to call. I tried to get J to before I realized what it would take to get a decent prednisone order on Dec. 31st. But what is the worst about being sick, the most terrible thing is how it tears up your personality, sucking out all the energy for jokes, dancing and laughter. I've been losing my ability to have and be fun. Its hard to initiate when you can barely move. I'm lucky other people have picked it up. Good thing my fam won't let me get away without being silly. Cheers to 2012. The media aren't the messages; the messages are the media.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry