Controlled or out of control?

I’m awake, earlier than normal and with no make-up.

That’s right, absolutely no make-up, I’m not doing it. I am not putting my healthy face on.

To be honest, I don't usually wear full on make-up. That's energy that doesn't need to be expended, but I will brush on lip color. I hate walking around with casper lips. It's an announcement straight from the Hillary's mouth that I am sick.

But I want to make sure doc sees how colorless and tired I look and on a good day.

I know there are different levels of “badness” in how I can look. I showered and dressed, so I vote I’m doing well.

I could have put on my “healthy face,” which consists of lipstick, bronzer, concealor and blush.

That’s my you’d-never-know-i-was-sick trick.

Now you are all in on my secret.

I think some of you out there would vote I never look bad. I’d like you all to refer back to my ICU pictures and rethink the word NEVER.

I’m not going to lie, I like that people think I’m a cute cancer patient. I wouldn’t want to have cancer any other way.

It’s appointment day with Dr. G.

Just an appointment day, thank goodness, I’m not rushing back for more chemo.

That’s next week.

Today, Dad is driving me, so that means a Dunkin Donuts stop for good coffee.

I think this morning is going to go well.

I get bloods drawn and see G at 9am for his expert read of my PET results.

Hopefully, he’ll let me get the camera out to show you how much I have improved since six weeks ago.

I certainly am feeling better despite feeling so awful.

It’s difficult to tell which symptoms I am experiencing are from my cancer, my gvhd and normal treatment side effects, and what are new side effects that need intervention.

I’m such a big mess.

My opinion is that anything that can be treated symptomatically to ease my suffering should be treated, immediately.

That’s just me, living in my body.

I’ll let you know what the results are.