The Waiting Game

I try not to fully wake up on PET scan days. I live awake but half asleep because I know at test time I'm taking a med that will knock me out for the next 36 hours. Why wake up at all if you're going to be knocked back into sleep oblivion? 

That's the way Tues. went. My scan was at 2pm. I couldn't eat anything past 9am. I could drink clear liquids. But being so late in the afternoon, I did wake up to enjoy the day knowing that the day would be over when the nurse handed me that xanax at 2pm.

I always think, maybe, I've gotten some cross tolerance. I think, maybe, I'll be able to stay awake after. I won't fall asleep midsentence. I won't completely forget everything that happens, including a doctor's appointment where I receive the results.

But I always do.

We've figured out I just need to go home and sleep. I can be called or have an appointment later in the week to get my results.

It only took once where I had an appointment that I don't recall to change that cycle. I was calling up my doctors office all week trying to explain to the secretary that yes I had gotten my results but I don't remember getting them or what they were.

Try explaining that one.

Usually, people remember whether they've been diagnosed with cancer or not.

So the test was on Tues. Theoretically, the results were probably available Tues.

I haven't talked to my doctor yet.

I know he works outside the Lebanon Dartmouth Clinic.

This is why I'm not freaking out that he hasn't called me with the results yet.

I used to get my results, immediately, pronto, but that was a while ago. That was when I was pushing for a cure. That was when I was trying to blow that cancer into oblivion.

Now, I don't want nasty treatment anymore. I want nice, easy treatment that kills only my cancer.

That's why I'm ok with not having my results yet, but it's making me suspicious. I'll start calling after lunch.