I regret not running screaming and yelling to dana farber as soon as I started experiencing shortness of breath last year.
From go things went badly.
Before the second round of my chemo I complained of shortness of breath. My oxygen sat was dipping to 93. I asked for a chest xray to rule out pneumonia before getting chemo.
I got my chemo that day but two days later found myself in the ER with fever, chills and dyspnea.
Turns out I did have pneumonia, or may have, there is some disagreement.
At no point since then have my lungs returned to normal.
A non-life threatening illness, hopefully.
Last year I didn't gasp for breath and have to stop and sit while going through the zoo.
I walked to the beach and played in the water no problem.
Now I lose my breath throwing a football with x (even though I'm aware other mom's can't catch or throw a football. Luckily, that is not a handicap I struggle with.).
It has been almost a year since my lungs failed me and in hindsight, I wish I hadn't cared about that doctors feelings and whether or not I would bruise his ego and make him feel inept by running to a different hospital.
He's not the one struggling to coach sports and looking at models of wheelchairs.
I'm disappointed in myself for making such a stupid mistake for such a silly reason.
Also in this past year I gave up the idea of traveling abroad for treatment.
This was a family decision.
I worried about the cost. J felt like it was giving up.
Instead of hyperthermic radiation or customized cancer vaccination I accepted....... Long term steroids.
Yuck. I've destroyed myself, and I'm not even talking about my unrecognizable exterior.
I would no longer be accepted as a patient at the klinik I'm alpenpak.. This scares me. My options are almost nill and staying on chemo forever (which is what has been suggested) is not ok with me.