Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

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Monday, February 9, 2009

Live Like a Stiletto

For Christmas, X told me he wanted to buy me a “party dress.” He needed to know “How much I was?”
“You mean you want to know what size I am?” I asked.
“Yes.” He said confidently.
“Well, I am either a four or a six.”
“Hhhmmmm, I think you’re a four.” He says, giving me the look that so many other people do that says “There-is-no-way-in-hell-you’re-a-six.”
“Yes, that’s probably right.” I said smiling.
I think I’m really a two, but I like to have some extra wiggle room. You never know what I may be doing.
I remember the first time I wore a dress, in the second grade, I decided I wanted to run with the boys that day, and I just couldn’t keep up in a green jumper.
All pants after that, until I got sick, and I decided that I should dress cute to feel better.
I never knew much about the “dressing up” thing. I think I did okay. I could always borrow something. Or I could pick up the one club top I had and the one pair of pants that fit me and that would always do just fine.
But since my sickness I’ve been trying to compensate for how bad I feel on the inside by taking myself up a notch on the outside.
I think I do okay.
I was never a big one for dressing until I got out of college and I actually had some money. After that it was pretty much sold.
Usually, it goes the other way, you have to have it all as a teenager and during college, but once you’re “into” life all those things phase away.
Not with me, no, not me, completely opposite. I just discovered what it feels like to look decent. I’m amused.
Xander has caught on to me.
I will admit, that J has always had a skill for keeping me looking nice. I think the trait has been passed down to X.
Last week, when I was in Boston, moping and feeling miserable, X says, “Mom, I want to buy you some shoes.”
So we went to Payless, and I was running around (with my mask and gloves on, clearly) grabbing all sorts of different shoes in my size.
I was trying them all on when X wanders up with a nice pair of black patent stilettos.
“It’s your size!” he says grinning and I look, it is my size 8!
“Oh well, I’ll have to try these on.” I tell him, and when I get them on, I really like them. I start prancing around the store in my cute shoes with Xander following, then the shoes get tight. Uh-oh.
“I think I need an 8.5” I said, slowly, to Xander, to see how he would respond.
He turned and ran back to a sales girl that had been waiting patiently to see how the shoes went over.
I didn’t even know she was there waiting on HIM!
X ran back with some of those stilettos in 8.5 and those shoes were sold!
And for $9, on clearance, from $20. That is momma’s kind of shopper.
So I have worn the heels out, twice, both on the suggestion of Xander. I wore them to one of his friend’s birthday parties, and I’ve worn them while taking him to school.
The other day, during home school time, he remarked that if I wanted to teach him I “should where pretty clothes like the teacher.”
He wanted me to put on a dress!! I’m not a dress girl! I’m a big baggy pant girl. I will have the pretty flowy tops, but I am all about the comfy menswear pants. Cute vest, buttoned up shirts, all that works too.
Cute dress, maybe on my best day, and maybe, that was why he wants me to dress up.
He knows my best days are the days I look pretty. If I look good, I feel good. End of discussion
So he’s trying to make me look as good as possible in hopes I feel better
Awww, what a little valentine.
Remember to live like a stiletto today.


Anonymous said...

Great post Hilary.

Anonymous said...

I am all for that. Like the old adage says: Fake it 'till you make it. That has saved my disposition many a day.

Would love to see you in Xander's outfit, including the stillettos!


Anonymous said...

I see wisdom doesn't come from just older folks! Amazing little X you've got there... and you so willing to give those stilettos a shot... and for those big occasions that are ever so much more important to him than the suit and tie type!

Anonymous said...

Keep on truckin' in those stilettos! But I don't know too many teachers of young children who wear them, but I've never met Xander's teacher. Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

Way to go Hill ... but to be sure, you don't need to be dressy to look good!!

Stay strong ... & stay focused.


Anonymous said...

Rock those stilettos girl!


Anonymous said...

youre amazing. i left you a voicemail today and will try to call again in the next few days...even if it's just to leave a message. i love you and miss you!