Hall Mark Day

Yesterday was a hallmark day in the Ford household.

Jon had his colonoscopy.

For those of you who haven't followed my entire story, my

 husband Jon has Crohn's Disease.

Crohn's is a form of inflammatory bowel disease that causes abdominal cramping, ulcers, and

 persistent diarrhea.

UGH.

He underwent a bowel resection in

 July 2008 due to diffuse scarring in hopes it would not only alleviate his pain but cure his disease.

It didn't cure his disease.

Last years colonoscopy showed that the Crohn's was returning.

The disease is measured on Greeat's Scale of 0-4. Zero being no disease, four being scarring beyond repair.

J is now a 2-3.

We're discussing treatment options.

Of course, one of the first line treatments is remicade.

Remicade is a chemotherapy agent that is infused over a three to four hour period once weekly to begin with at $8000 a dose!

It is a time and money sucking drug.

There is another option, newer to the market, another chemotherapy, that we'll discuss at J's appointment in the beginning of June.

Chemotherapy for the whole family!

Not surprisingly, It's getting harder for me to listen to other people's problems.

Let me clarify, the ones that I deem are brought upon themselves or the people have some semblance of control over or the ones that they could control but just aren't.

Those drive me crazy.

There are too many people with too many problems that they never would have asked for, that they never would have brought upon themselves. 

Generally, I like hearing about people's trials. 

It makes me feel trusted. 

I like to help problem solve or lend a sympathetic ear, whatever anybody wants. 

It makes me feel needed. I feel wise like a guru who has been through enough to impart my wisdom on others. 

Recently, this has changed. 

I hope its temporary. I've been moodier, more irritable, less patient. 

Before, and hopefully again, I could understand that suffering is relative to experience. 

Problem solving is unique to each individuals ability to cope. 

What barely registers on my radar can send another person over the edge and to the looney bin.

I Hadn't been bitter about that before. I do now.

This is new since my pet scan. It's new since I officially feel I will never be cured by conventional means.

I am confident and happy with the idea of postponing treatment and enjoying life.

I'm really, FINALLY, enjoying myself again without the stress of thinking I'll have to return to fight for my life.

I'm still hoping for a miracle.  

But I'm being tested. I'm being pushed. And somebodies gonna get it...... I'm guessing the next person who complains to me about something trivial.