The start was insidious like standing having the peaceful oceam waves wash rhythmically over your feet until after you've reached a point where you're comfortable relaxed, stable, and confidant in the pattern, confidant that the same lulling waves will come, then when you try to move, you realize underneath the peacefulness the undertow came in!
You try to move and stumble from the current sweeping your feet away.
You try to lift your foot and you can't because the water is sucking you down, trying to suck you under.
Soon what was an relaxing routine turns into possibly fatal chaos.
Right now, I feel like I'm stumbling around trying to gain my footing in the undertow. I haven't been sucked down.
But I may be starting the long grudging walk towards a slight decline.
Only time will tell but I recognize this. I've seen it before. Been there. Done that. Maybe Doing it again.
I've been running myself ragged though trying to maintain my life, trying to juggle what I did a few weeks ago so effortlessly, trying to prioritize, trying to keep my life with the peace and happiness.
I again have to reprioritize my life since my body is telling me, clearly, I can not do it all.If I want to maintain my social life, the house is going to suffer. If I want a happy spouse the house has to be kept tidy.Of course, everything takes a back seat to my treatment schedule, which is all day weds, thurs, friday this week.Now, my body is requiring naps again.I was so tired sunday I slept through the playdate we were supposed to have with Andy and his mom.Then when Andy called, I picked up in my sleep and hung up on him.There is another quirky secret about me, I sleep talk, or so I'm told.I open my eyes. I look at you. I hold a conversation never to recall any of it.Apparently, I answer phones too.I feel terrible. Who wants to disappoint a sick kid?The exhaustion started friday. I had my central line readjusted, which required versed, a sedative for "conscious sedation".This always knocks me out for the day. To wake up, I require active management. Someone needs to sit beside me, talk to me, feed me, shake me, whatever. But I was determined to enjoy the first BBQ of the season at Brynn and Jake's house.I did my procedure, I did my pheresis, and I went out to the BBQ.Did I stop the weekend there though? No, there were Easter egg hunts to conquer.We were out the door the next day by 8:30 am for Charlestown's yearly hunt.Afterward Heather and I escaped quickly for some girl time and then I went home for a quick nap before going to set up for my friend's bridal shower.Some things are worth sacrificing for and I knew I was going to kill myself getting this party ready.But it was so worth it.My friend and I started decorating at 3pm and the party lasted until 10pm.WHOA, I've gotten to be a wild one, but X has decided to extend my curfew until 9pm now.If you look at the time, I blew curfew again this past weekend by showing up at home after 10pm. He was concerned the Easter Bunny wouldn't find him and wouldn't have time to set up the hunt, which amazingly, with some teamwork, he did.Sunday was off to the races again since Easter has turned into another Christmas and X was up at 6:30 ready to tear apart his basket and the house looking for eggs.I managed to make it through church, get a morning nap, and participate in Easter dinner with activities for a great weekend.I'm just going to need some time to recover.