The Bucket List

I never thought I had a bucket list. I know people do. They have long, extensive ones that maybe they could accomplish if they were a millionaire. Events incked down like: travel to Bali or sky dive, learn to ride a motorcycle. There are even books dedicated to the idea: the writer of 1000 Thigs To Do Before You Die, killed himself trying to complete his list at 46 YO. I've tried to help people finish theirs before. I ran naked into the caribbean ocean at nighgt, but still no real urge for a final "to-do" list.  But I guess I do. Rip chording through the rainforest has crossed my mind, but why there when I can attach a chord in my backyard and do it everyday with my son. That sounds much more fun. Then there is the must-do bucket list. That's the bucket list that pops into my mind when I know I'm sick, and possibly one the verge of death, it's then I think of all the things I've yet to do and would like to. The list includes making a difference, revolutionizing health care so patients no longer have to fear they'll have their insurance dropped after years of paying in. That they can die peacefully, with dignity, accepting their diagnosis and feel every once of life possible, such as the fear, sadness, and anger that accompanies it. But that's not it either. I want more time with my family, to see how deeply I can fall in love with j, or how successful x will become. I want to know all the "what ifs" and see if mt life will play out like I dreamed. It hasn't so far. But maybe that's my purpose, not to get too attached to these distractions, maybe I'll rise above all the beauty and the consumerism and somehow, not care that my lungs are failing again at 28 yo, and be okay with meeting my maker earlier, getting to understand why the world is how it is, and hopefully, laugh at the joke. I'm fortunate I've lived my life,  according to my beliefs and morals, and now, I have no reason  to woerrY. I still need to give and get love and respect.
I never thought I had a bucket list. I know people do. They have long, extensive ones that maybe they could accomplish if they were a millionaire. Events incked down like: travel to Bali or sky dive, learn to ride a motorcycle. There are even books dedicated to the idea: the writer of 1000 Thigs To Do Before You Die, killed himself trying to complete his list at 46 YO. I've tried to help people finish theirs before. I ran naked into the caribbean ocean at nighgt, but still no real urge for a final "to-do" list.  But I guess I do. Rip chording through the rainforest has crossed my mind, but why there when I can attach a chord in my backyard and do it everyday with my son. That sounds much more fun. Then there is the must-do bucket list. That's the bucket list that pops into my mind when I know I'm sick, and possibly one the verge of death, it's then I think of all the things I've yet to do and would like to. The list includes making a difference, revolutionizing health care so patients no longer have to fear they'll have their insurance dropped after years of paying in. That they can die peacefully, with dignity, accepting their diagnosis and feel every once of life possible, such as the fear, sadness, and anger that accompanies it. But that's not it either. I want more time with my family, to see how deeply I can fall in love with j, or how successful x will become. I want to know all the "what ifs" and see if mt life will play out like I dreamed. It hasn't so far. But maybe that's my purpose, not to get too attached to these distractions, maybe I'll rise above all the beauty and the consumerism and somehow, not care that my lungs are failing again at 28 yo, and be okay with meeting my maker earlier, getting to understand why the world is how it is, and hopefully, laugh at the joke. I'm fortunate I've lived my life,  according to my beliefs and morals, and now, I have no reason  to woerrY. I still need to give and get love and respect.