Please, Never worry about ruining a day with such an important message as yours.
I am so sorry to hear that Anna has passed away. I wish I had a chance to get to know her better or that she felt comfortable writing sooner, because I very much wanted to hear what she had to say.
I was impressed that she was willing to express herself open and honestly to me, even while knowing there may be a backlash.
If one person is thinking something, they often represent a number of others who choose to remain silent. I was greatly looking forward to hearing from her again, because I so rarely hear the kind of brave honesty she exhibited. The world has lost a strong, brave woman. I hope she found some solace in her last days.
I think she may have sensed the end nearing. What I failed to tell her is many people feel alone and isolated at the end of their lives, whatever the circumstances.
In Dec. 2009, after my lungs had failed and I'd become oxygen dependent, I spent 6 weeks unable to do anything but get x to school, pick him up with J @ 5 and play video games in the evenings until 6:30 when the pain in my eyes became so bad I had to shut them.
I spent my days alone, lying on the couch, feeling lonely, contemplating stopping my medications, and allowing nature to "take its course."
I have never felt so bare, so exposed and yet alone.
I didn't want to be alone. All I had to do was make a phone call, but who do you call when you're deciding whether to live or die?
A person is possibly in the most barren place in this world when deciding to end a lifetime. It forces you to realize how alone you really are in the universe and how all the decisions you've made before taking into regards other people now have little meaning when it is time to stand and be judged on for your own behavior.
I can't even find the correct words for the experience. Bare, exposed, barren, and alone are not adequate enough to describe it, but maybe earthly words won't work, since it's an experience in transitioning worlds.
It can be terrifying, and it's a decision a person must make on their own, if they're given the decision.
I'm thankful that she chose to share her feelings with us. I was blessed to have spoken to her, if just for a few moments, and thank you so much for writing. I would have forever wondered who anonymous was and why they hadn't responded.
I'm sending my condolences and many prayers to Anna, you and your family.
Please, readers, do the same.