"Doing well," "feeling great," "looking good," these are all what I call "relative statements," Meaning they're all made in relation to the events, past and present, involving the specific person the statements are directed at. For most people "doing well" maybe a cozy, healthy happy financial secure existence. Maybe they got that promotion they've been working towards, bought a new car, or their child aced the spelling bee. For others, say a single drug addicted mother, "doing well" may mean getting clean, maintaining a job, finding a great roach free apartment and getting their kid back from CPS. You see, it's all relative to the person and their experiences. However, many of us still have a tendency to jump to black and white conclusions, such as "Hill's doing well! She's all better. Her treatments put her in remission. Life is good!" I wish this was the case. My "doing well" and "looking great" come in comparison to years of weight fluctuations from 90 lbs. To 155lbs, going into complete respiratory failure, nearly dying due to clotting issues and having my entire immune system inexplicably fail. So yes, I am doing well. I'm doing great. I'm managing to maintain a freelance job. I've been able to get x to and from school and play with him after whether it be yu-gi-oh, video games, basketball or baseball. I've been planning and making dinners. I even decorated for thanksgiving for the first time in years!! I'm so excited, but I don't want to get lured into a false sense of security. My body and my immune system will never be great again. I will suffer setbacks. I don't want people to think these are the end of the world, but the truth is, I'm still in treatment and at risk for serious complications. For example, last night my urine was neon yellow again leading me to wonder if my kidney infection came back despite the cipro I've been taking, but I just went to bed. I woke up nauseas, and feeling tired, but I'm always nauseas. Tired is pretty much status quo too. But 5 min. Before I had to get x to school all my anti-nausea interventions had failed and I began to throw up violently. By violently I mean unrelenting thowing up. Poor x ran to the phone to start dialing up family members. FYI- if you get a call from x and can't speak to me. You need to come check on me. He won't say he's scared. I think the words are too much. We called J at work and he rushed home to get x to school all while x is informing him he needs to stay home with me. I chose to go to the hospital. I'm having a lot of troublle writing now with all the meds ive taken. Sleepy time
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