Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Sunday, October 11, 2009

My Great Escape

My great escape from the ward wasn't what I hoped it would be. 
Maybe I had a bug, maybe the three antibiotics I'm on interacted or maybe my body hates me and wants to ruin the good times in my life, but friday I woke up to get x to school and then fell asleep from 9 to 3pm only to shower, dress for the rehearsal dinner, eat a snack, and take my am meds only to then break into a sweat, throw up, call nic to cancel, devise a back up plan, throw up again, and pass out. 
When I woke up hours later I cried, again. 
These feelings about what I lose or miss due to my disease do not get easier. Each unique situation gets its own grieving session. 
Emotions aren't something you can gain immunity to. 
My feelings are just as upsetting and devastating as the very first time I missed something: maggie's wedding, daisy's baby shower, x's first concert and basketball practice. 
My mind or my heart doesn't care a similar situation has happened before and therefore I am more powerful and prepared to deal with this one.
 Palliative care says this is normal. It's not a sign of abnormal grieving or difficulty coping with my disease. 
I don't know if this brings me solace. I'm really not so interested in being "normal," unless that includes being healthy, then I am there.
I'm pissed I missed out on nicole's glow, big smile, jeff's sweats, and my free prime rib but its all okay as long as long as I'm here to celebrate anniversaries and baby showers.

No comments: