Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Tumors Fear Me

I don't know why doctors need to say "palliative chemo schedule" when describing my care.

From Left To Right: CNR Alums Top Row Colette, Kiki, Laurette
Front Row: Daisy, Lauren, my neice Alexis, and Me
 It's like a punch to the stomach being reminded your are dying but still have to suffer. 

I know, how could you forget? Especially if you are calling the doctor at Sunday at 2:30pm superbowl weekend. 

You can't blame a girl for trying. That's what "palliative care" is all about living as comfortably as possible, enjoying as much life as possible. 

The palliative description of my care is worth forgetting, or at least repressing. 

And I've been feeling so alive recently it was easy to put my disease on the back burner.

I managed to organize and host our annual Winter Carnival weekend with some of my favorite college girlfriends. We've dubbed the first weekend in Feb. our annual tradition to get together eat chili, play broom hockey, go to walmart.

Broom hockey is a New England pass time played on ice with
boots,  brooms, and a soccer ball.
I was able to clean the rooms upstairs. I grocery shopped and cooked pots of chili and meatballs and taco dips. Laurette made smoothies. Kiki and I made brownies.

I was feeling so alive. Spending time with them reminds me of the me from college, and that she is still in me. Their presence rejuvenates me in a way very few interactions do.

I had almost stopped counting my steps, planning the shortest route of every activity, to conserve my energy and breaths. I thought about playing broom hockey until Alexis wouldn't even allow me on the ice, reminding me of a tumble two years ago.

That feeling stopped, temporarily. The chemo I was supposed to receive yesterday is postponed until tomorrow.

You know you must be sick when you can't take your medications.

I have a headache, chills, possible sinusitis, little cough, sore throat, and started spiking a fever at the doc's office.

Cancer the chemo. I'll check in again tomorrow when I crush those tumors.

1 comment:

Valerie said...

Oh, Hill. I hope you feel better soon. xo