Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Resolution Time

It’s that time of year again.

Yes, THAT time, and I’m not talking about Christmas. I’m talking about a New Year is coming.

Alongside the New Year comes all these hopes and dreams for better living in the year to come, but that’s not going to happen without some resolutions.

Resolutions are just kind of a cool idea, even if they will be ditched and broken by Feb.

After writing their letters to Santa, I tried to get Xander and Lexi to go for this idea.

Kids should have goals. They should have something to strive for, something to accomplish.

Of course, this went over like a bomb in comparison to decorating our tree, eating candy canes and baking cookies.

So there is no word on what the kids want for 2010, but I’m starting my resolution TODAY.

It’s time the fatigue stops kicking my ass.

I need to again be a constructive human being.

No more lying on the couch, talking on the phone and living vicariously through The Kardashians.

That’s so 2009. Those days are over.

I’ve decided what I need in my life is a routine.

I need to train my body back into doing things.

With illness creeping in slowly and taking over my life, I need to slowly creep back out.

Unfortunately, it’s been almost three years since my first transplant and it’s been four since I realized something was very wrong with me.

It’s becoming harder and harder to drag myself back into a routine.

I also still can’t resist the urge to throw myself back into the world full throttle and kick my own ass.

For the past couple months I’ve been having and stressing that I’ll never return to a normal life.

I think it’s time that I strive for a quality of life.

Good news, I'm going to try to get back to writing. I enjoy it even if I am bored with myself. I love hearing peoples' comments positive or negative and knowing there are others like me in the world.

The support I've received from being transparent is more than I ever could have hoped for.

Unfortunately, My lungs and fatigue are severely impeding what I’d like to be doing.

Now for the solution, my resolution is to train my body to work again.

I’m using my athlete mentality like I’ve used so many times before.

I’m going to train my muscles to cooperate. I’m going to go through the motions in hopes that my mind will respond.

I'll wake up and care for X just like I have been. I'll do activities in the morning and force my body to take only one afternoon nap before picking up X.

Once I have x we pretty much have a routine in place, it just needs to be perfected. We play outside, then come inside for snack, watch a show, play a game, then Dad comes home, we eat dinner as a family, then we play some more games together and I go to bed.

Hopefully, eventually, I'll be able to push bedtime back after 7pm.

What, really, is there to lose?

Could this make me exhausted?

Not to worried, I all ready am.

I can always fall back on some more medications.

I could start requesting adderal or Ritalin for energy and trazadone for sleep.

I’d prefer not to take that route.

I’m taking control again of my body and my life.

As things have crept out of my life, they’re going to come back in slowly but surely.


Anonymous said...

Hillary if anyone can do it . It will be you I have no doubt. We are all with you always. Pat

Anonymous said...

Good girl! Live in the moment and enjoy every day! That sounds so cliche, I know, but it is so true. It is so easy to get down on ourselves, so much harder to be positive. But really, it is the only way to live.
Stay strong so you can come for St. Patrick's Day! Savannah is waiting for you!