It's the Holidays!

Awwww, thanks Val. I needed hope for the holidays, the same way I needed it last year. 

I'm ok with any possibilities but I'm heart broken about maybe leaving my family alone.

Your gift came at the right time. 

I was in tears with the realization that my lifelong friend had her first child the day I accepted vna/ hospice services in hopes I can just have more quality time left with my fam. 

That hurts. 

I shouldn't have to make these decisions. 

I should be deciding on baby names and nursery decor.

I'm not accepting straight hospice. I don't qualify as having less than a year to live. It's a combination so I don't have to run to the hospital so often for fluids or pain medications.

Since I am a nurse, I have a little more capacity to administer my own medications. 

 Luckily, I may have a chance to regain my stamina. 

I've been diagnosed with addison's disease or adrenal insufficiency. 

I'll be taking 20 mg of prednisone, again, to replace what my body is no longer making. 

With VNA, I can give myself shots and some ivs. This will give me more autonomny.

 I won't constantly be calling the hospital and being transferred from unit to unit to get orders.

I may start taking neupogen or neulesta to stimulate my bone marrow growth every two weeks, but that's up to Dr. G.

When I was admitted with a fever my Absolute Neutrophil Count was 160. The next day was 120. 

500 is considered okay.

1000 they'd let me out of the hospital. 

At least I'm home for the holidays and plan to stay that way. I'm gaining energy and I've stopped the constant vomiting. I've even started making Christmas gifts for my friends. We'll see how that goes.