Anticipatory Symptoms

I thought I was big and strong enough, psychologically, to ward off an occurrence of "anticipatory nausea."
Anticipatory nausea is a psychosomatic symptom brought on by a patient's expectations of becoming sick.
For example, I may get chemotherapy today, my body is psychologically preparing itself for sickness, against my will and better judgement, so I've been feeling nauseas, ready to throw-up at anytime.
Ativan is a really good medication for this.
It's an anti-anxiety drug that deals with chemo-induced nausea as well.
It's a favorite of mine.
It does make me sleep though, and I'm not too happy about losing an evening to a hazy sleep the night before I absolutely have to.
It's better that it used to be though.
During my first transplant I couldn't even look at a hospital bed without wanting to vomit.
At the time it was so bad, I was worried I would never work again.
Not a concern anymore.
My biggest concern today was getting X off the camp where they're visiting the Southwick Zoo today.
He's in Charlestown's Summer Reading Camp, which we both had suspicions may just be a cover for summer school, but appears it is really fun.
X is loving it.
Some of his best friends are signed up.
It's the third day and they're taking a major field trip to a zoo.
The zoo is like X's mother ship. He's on a mission to see as many as possible.
Ironically, I think this zoo is only about 20 min. from my sister's house. We would have hit it up eventually with her family. We probably will again anyway.
Who can resist a good zoo?
Wish me luck today, I have no idea what I'm in for.
I know I have early morning appt.: labs at 8:15, Heme Doc at 8:30 to discuss chemo options.
I've been holding off my camping trip plans for this.
Usually I leae with family in tow on Saturday. We'll see what happens.
Options are: keep the chemo, change the dose, add steroids to chemo, or change it all together.
Lots of options, but no idea what is happening today except after the heme doc I'm seeing palliative care to confirm the success of my new prescriptions and then on to photo pheresis.
I'm also working with the aartists at DHMC to "pass-off" or partner on my Cancervivor Arts program.
The business infrastructure is set up but I don't have the energy to maintain it.
I'd love to just be able to hand my art over with a portion of the proceeds going to me and another going to a good cause, like to fund therapeutic arts at DHMC, which right now has no funding source other than donations.
They've been doing well so far, but I want to keep them running.
Cross your fingers and say some prayers for me. I'll be at the hospital all day.