Celebrating Successes

Andy is celebrating a year post transplant the first weekend in June. That's one week after Dani celebrates the two year anniversary of her successful pancreatic transplant. Killy is celebrating her 30th birthday this weekend, 3 months after another high school best friend, Andrea, saw the big 3-0 AND Killy is pregnant! I'm genuinely happy for their successful lives and return to health. Andy is back to school full time. Dani has a job working part time, perfect "mom hours." Other friends have advanced degrees with flourishing careers or are building brand new homes. Yes, I'm happy for them, but I won't lie and pretend I'm not jealous. This isn't a feeling I knew until I became unhealthy. in situations where a couple is trying to get pregnant and having difficulty, others often feel awkward announcing their own pregnancy success, or in cases where a successful pregnancy is lost, it's often hidden from couples who are actively pregnant, but what happens with young chronic cancer sufferers? I know people frequently hide the deaths of my friends or acquintances from cancer until well after the services are performed. I can understand this. Obviously, I'm going to notice their missing sometime. I don't know what else is being hidden from me "for my own good." I hope it's nothing. Just because I may suffer a twinge of jealousy does not mean I'd not want to celebrate. These events are fabulous. They're what makes life wonderful. They're also what gives me hope. Maybe, someday, I'll be among the people celebrating. Actually, I am. This Sunday, May 22 @ Patch Park in Chas. I'm celebrating my cancer free PET scan the best way, by giving back!! Come early, before 9am, if you want to donate to the yard sale or join our fun volleyball tournament. It's on if you think you can take on The StPierre-Ford White Tiger Team. If I've been taught anything, it's to live and be happy in the now. I'm glad to know that I can genuinely love and be happy for my friends while harboring personnal resentments and jealousy. Maybe it's because though the feelings are directed at their life successes, my feelings have nothing to do with them. I'm jealous of everybody who has been diagnosed and regained their health, found a cure, or gets to live a "normal" life, even if it's just for a 6 months of feeling well. I'd love an entire week. I'm excited I had a long weekend in NY where I felt fabulous but its hard having a taste of health to return to illness. As per usual, I'm going to keep working to get my body in its best condition: tapering my pred., taking the herbs to boost my immune system, exercising, taking chemo indefinately, and praying for the cure for cancer, everybody's cancer.