Quick-date

I've been haunted by a sadness the past couple days that I can't figure out. 

Life is good.

NYC was the best time I had and we had in a long time, longer than I can remember. There was no exhaustion, No stopping to throw up, No gasping for breath. We were happy. 

At home I've stayed healthy. 

So why the sadness?

 Maybe, it's in the idea that this is temporary. Its hard to enjoy life when the happiness could be fleeting. 

At the time, I' can be in the moment, but its when I'm riding in the car, sitting on the toilet, watching tv, my mind wanders to the what ifs. 

But I've been coping with that forever.

 It may be mother's day, the anniversary of beginning my chemotherapy. J and x got me a diamond heart necklace 5 years ago, because, "I'm the heart." X said. 

A star pendant was the other option but, He was the star he said.

He was 3. 

I'm lucky to have 4 more moms days since then.

The, for some reason, I can't get all the children who do not have mom's to celebrate today with or who have mom's with less than perfect conditions, in jail or who have run off. Those thoughts would depress anybody.

On the bright side. . . 

My car was cleaned this year. I found the perfect piece for the patio set, a large hammock..... For $28!! They're usually $100+. 

My gift was getting it hung up and some yard/patio work.

 I finally have a place to rest outside while the boys or kids play! Boo-ra! 

That'll keep the sadness at bay through the chemo this week.