Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Stressed? Me, Stressed?

I couldn't describe me better.
It's hard to be in a bad mood when you're child starts screaming, "It's the best day eva!" before his eyes even open.

Xander beats cancer stress for me again.

It's a little known fact, ativan, the anti-anxiety drug, doesn't work if you are all ready anxious when you take it. That was the reason I've had 3 times my normal dose and still can't relax the day before.

I've tapered my prednisone, so med induced anxiety was not my problem. 

An even lesser known fact is I am one cheap date when it comes to other benzodiazepines, like Xanax. If I were to switch to quell my anxiety, I may as well say "sianara, see you tomorrow... Or in two or three days." 

Who knows when I'd wake up with my problems waiting.

Along with the anxiety over life (adding the Relay Fundraiser this Sunday hasn't helped. I had to consciously tell myself I can't stress or I will get sick), I was just irritated, angry and exhausted. 

There was real rhyme, no reason. I was just pissed. I consciously had to be extra nice when talking to people, knowing I could blow up any second.

I hate having my emotions control me, but it happens. My computer got the nasty virus this week, someone is using my identity, my twin and I fought, I've had to organize a 100 things (the relay, a party, and my jewelry), and the air is making my lungs act up.

Thank goodness for Xander and his excitement over his "kids and Cops" field trip to the Police Department, sleep over with Carter, and events for the weekend. He reminds me why life is beautiful.

I don't like ever losing the feeling I had when my breath first returned, when I could first take 10 steps breathing independently.

I felt elated and free. There aren't words in this world to describe the feelings of relief, gratitude, humility, and thankfulness to God for returning something we all take for granted, my ability to breathe.

I would walk just to move. 

I am fortunate. I am lucky. I'm lucky to be loved. I know that God shines down on us. I have evidence now.

Can we all see the evidence?
The stress is still here. I committed to too much with the Relay, but this is something I've dreamed of doing for years, and really, I've had great help.

Thank you, everybody, who has helped, is helping, and will come early tomorrow (8 am, please?) to make this event happen, especially Michelle (the right hand woman who is really in charge), Meganne, Deb, and Nicole, whose help kept me sane.

The event yard sale, bake sale, craft fair and Volleyball tournament will start @ 9 am at Patch Park in Charlestown!

I'm getting excited. I'll be selling my jewelry there. We have great shirts for the champions, and enough teams to actually have a tournament (5 or 6).

 If you want to play, it's fun & low key, with kids under 10 allowed as wondering "alternates" on the court, come before 9am. We'll fit you in the schedule.

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