|I couldn't describe me better.|
Xander beats cancer stress for me again.
It's a little known fact, ativan, the anti-anxiety drug, doesn't work if you are all ready anxious when you take it. That was the reason I've had 3 times my normal dose and still can't relax the day before.
I've tapered my prednisone, so med induced anxiety was not my problem.
An even lesser known fact is I am one cheap date when it comes to other benzodiazepines, like Xanax. If I were to switch to quell my anxiety, I may as well say "sianara, see you tomorrow... Or in two or three days."
Who knows when I'd wake up with my problems waiting.
Along with the anxiety over life (adding the Relay Fundraiser this Sunday hasn't helped. I had to consciously tell myself I can't stress or I will get sick), I was just irritated, angry and exhausted.
There was real rhyme, no reason. I was just pissed. I consciously had to be extra nice when talking to people, knowing I could blow up any second.
I hate having my emotions control me, but it happens. My computer got the nasty virus this week, someone is using my identity, my twin and I fought, I've had to organize a 100 things (the relay, a party, and my jewelry), and the air is making my lungs act up.
Thank goodness for Xander and his excitement over his "kids and Cops" field trip to the Police Department, sleep over with Carter, and events for the weekend. He reminds me why life is beautiful.
I don't like ever losing the feeling I had when my breath first returned, when I could first take 10 steps breathing independently.
I felt elated and free. There aren't words in this world to describe the feelings of relief, gratitude, humility, and thankfulness to God for returning something we all take for granted, my ability to breathe.
I would walk just to move.
I am fortunate. I am lucky. I'm lucky to be loved. I know that God shines down on us. I have evidence now.
|Can we all see the evidence?|
Thank you, everybody, who has helped, is helping, and will come early tomorrow (8 am, please?) to make this event happen, especially Michelle (the right hand woman who is really in charge), Meganne, Deb, and Nicole, whose help kept me sane.
The event yard sale, bake sale, craft fair and Volleyball tournament will start @ 9 am at Patch Park in Charlestown!
I'm getting excited. I'll be selling my jewelry there. We have great shirts for the champions, and enough teams to actually have a tournament (5 or 6).
If you want to play, it's fun & low key, with kids under 10 allowed as wondering "alternates" on the court, come before 9am. We'll fit you in the schedule.