Ouch

I did it to myself again. I'll never stop doing it. I felt good. I played hard. I felt like a normal person for one day then the next, with j believing I really may be as healthy as I seem DAILY, he assigned me to do some banking the next day like all our finances would crumble if we didn't take x amount of money from one bank and place it in another. Simple right? No! Not when you need ritalin, morphine, ativan etc to feel normal. Not when you've had over half a decade of treatment and you're sick and exhausted. I did the damn banking because one of the banks doesn't play well with the other online. Then I ran to get some emergency jewelry making supplies at walmart (never ever again I don't buy jewelry stuff there), but in the express check out, that's when my body attacked like a ninja screaming "you! Go home. Go to bed! Now!" I felt it in my weak legs, but worst, I felt it in my bowels, in my stomach, because I can't have one without the other. Then, and I knew it was coming, the hot sweats. Hot flashes so bad that rain just blended in. I managed to make it home, to get to the bathroom and. fall asleep before hitting the couch. But like so many times before, I couldn't wake myself hours later when I needed to get x. I couldn't hold open my eyes. I made an emergency call to mom who found my sis in law to get him. When x got home, I still wasn't waking. I called j, fell asleep on the phone, woke up to "what's wrong with you?!" And j came home to take x to get haircuts. In the meantime, I'd promised x I'd make it to his game so when they got home I managed to eat without falling asleep and choking. I went to the car to go to his game and thought I might die. At the gym I started to cry, which is what happens when I feel awful but want to do something and my friend a. Was trying to care for me even though between tears I was saying I was fine. Her fam was even going to miss their child taking the jmp ball to care for me. I told my parents when they came my dad had to video tape and mom had to take me home then instead of following directions I tried to crawl up in a ball on the gym floor, which was pretty comfortable. My hysterical sick self had decided collapsing there was comfortable enough and no one was going to mess with a determined mom....... Except my own determined parents. I ended up going home and passing out in bed. I woke up this morning and got x to school then fell asleep. Its 11 now and I think I should just keep doing nothing.
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