Choosing Happy: An Emotional return

Returning to health means also feeling and processing emotions after battling for your life and limb, which is no easy accomplishment. I chose a long time ago not to reminisce or relive the worst times. It's better this way. Processing would only bring me back to those moments of fear. It could cause flashbacks and a whole lot of emotional pain I'd prefer not to experience, again, ever. I need to live in right now. I need to live my best life. I try to skip to the best feelings: to the elation, to the Gratitude that makes me feel better. I want joy and laughter back, quickly. I want fun among the pain. Its easy to miss those feelings amidst the disease. Its probably even easier to fall prey to feelings of "why me" and see what other people take for granted. It's even harder to witness others whining and complaining about their losses. Forgetting the bad, moving on quickly, enjoying the moment is against our automatic reaction. It's a choice, a choice that brings love and strength where there could be anger and pain. But not everybody works this way or has to. I dare say few people actively try to skip the misery. Lots that do are dying and understand how trivial the small things are. We just don't have the time for petty. I want the best out of life now, it takes effort, but just ask and you will receive back. Put yourself out first. The common reaction to illness or stress is to get angry and allow the post traumatic feelings to take over. Life gets difficult, but studies show taking out your anger on others, lashing out at unsuspecting targets like your co-worker, barista or bf, only makes you feel worse. It spreads the mirth, the pain, and probably to where it is all ready. Adverse studies show that faking a little fun and happiness goes a long way. It's all about choice. I didn't choose to be ill, to spend my 20s touring hospitals, fighting to find a cure, but that's what I'm doing. I only get to choose so little. I can't change it, so I focus on what can change. If you can't do what you want then want and enjoy something else. It's all in the attitude, hospital trips can make loving memories, happiness and gratitude can be found among the dying, as long as that's how you choose to approach it, as long as that is your choice.
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