Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

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Monday, October 13, 2008

Losing My Hair

I keep getting told that, maybe, I’ll get to keep my hair. It hasn’t started falling out yet, but it can take 21 days from the start of therapy. It’s changed in texture. It’s brittle. It is not as soft as it usually is.
I’ve tricked myself into thinking I could keep it before. I’m not going to do that again. My hair is going to fall out. It’s not a huge problem for me.
I like hats and scarves. Losing my hair allows me to buy pretty things that I wouldn’t otherwise.
Losing my hair is not the emotional tragedy some would expect or other people experience.
I actually shaved my head before. I needed to take control of the situation. It was empowering for me.
When my hair tried to come back in little patches and nobody would help me shave it again, I used nair to get rid of it.
Yes, I know, I’m a bad girl, and putting chemicals on my head that could potentially burn me is a bad idea, but really, it’s my body and nobody would help me take care of it.
So because I’m not such a big fan of hair on anywhere other than my head, I’m not very happy my hair is still here.
I tried to weasel my way into getting a razor. That was a no go. Too dangerous for a person with low platelets, but they’re not that low yet. They’re still above 150.
Nair is out of the question. My skin is sensitive. I’ll burn it.
I’m going to have to live with not feeling the hottest for a little while, but I do know, that my time is coming.
The anticipation is worse than the actual process.
My scalp will tingle and ache. My hair will drop in clumps. I’ll show you on video. People, generally, find it traumatizing to watch, but I’m going to show you anyway when the time comes.


Anonymous said...

You're right Hill-Chick!! Hair is way over rated. I did like the musical "Hair" though. You should rent it if you get the chance. I do think you have a nicely rounded head without your hair and you do look would be worse if you had a lopsided head!! It also lets your great big smile dominate your face more along with your beautiful brown eyes. Now, watch out because your arm-pit hair may stay since you have had a "European" transplant!!! Your honesty in your blogs is refreshing and you do hit all the topics well!! Having gone through it with Pete everything you say makes sense. Pete especially kept his humor and refused to be ignored and "talked over" by the health professionals. I am glad that you are doing the same. Tons and tons of love to you. Be patient with your Mom too, she is just in her "mom mode" as you would be with Xander. Love Laura

emilee minckler said...

You are beautiful with or without hair Hill!

Justine said...

You can definitely pull off the Bald-Chick look... we've seen the pictures and you look great ;)

Anonymous said...

Hillary, I have the whole rainbow of hats, just say the word and they can be sent to you.You will be the cutest hat model we have ever seen. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. You put a smile on my face and give my brain something to think about.Your writing is phenomenal!!!Know always that you are loved.Aunt Carol