Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

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Sunday, October 12, 2008

Role Models Wanted

I haven’t seen Xander and Jon since I came to Boston. They both have colds. It upsets me. I try not to think about it, but then X gets on the phone with me and tells me how much he misses me. He cries and I tell him everything will be all right. I make jokes and ask about school.
Sometimes he’ll just hold the phone and listen to me talk. I’m sure he’s imaging the worst, but he doesn’t really have to imagine. He’s seen me through some hard times. I really hope he’s forgotten them.
I try not to worry about my life back home, but I do. For example, who is signing my girl Lexi up for basketball this season. She’s good. She hits her free throws 90% of the time. She's turning 9 tomorrow. She's a bug girl. I've been giving her my hand-me-downs since she was five. She's grown out of my clothes now.
I’ll get you tickets to her games in college. She needs shoes and clothes too.
She also needs a role model. I can’t be it right now. It breaks my heart.
Her ideal role model would, preferably, be a tan one. I’m the blackest woman this child knows. She needs a strong black role model to show her how to be a lady.
I know. I know. Race doesn’t matter, but let’s be real, she needs someone who understands and will advocate for her. I tried to elect Laurette, but she lives in New York.
Trish, you are on the top of my list. When you get home from running around S. America finding who you are, I have a project for you. You’re going to love it. It’s who you are. You don’t need to run thousands of miles to change the world.
Lexi’s chances of having a successful productive life will improve so much if she just had the right person to take interest.
I had a pet project when I was in high school too. She was 6 and beautiful. She wanted to go to church.
Her mom had AIDS. She had no teeth and her face was picked apart.
Mom died. Baby girl slipped through the cracks of the social welfare system. I’m fairly sure she has repeated her mother’s mistakes. How would she know anything else? I said I’d never allow it again. Not on my watch, but I don’t have that kind of control right now.
It’s a blessing and a curse to see a situation and predict a psychological outcome.
It is so hard to focus on me. It’s just not how I’m made, but I’m going to do it.
I have theories about how Xander will behave in the future as ramifications of his experiences as a child. I’m not going to say them. My perception is skewed, and there is a theory of self fulfilling prophecy every parent should know. It’s the idea that a parent can shape their children into behaving in a certain manner by telling them who they are.
All I can say is, I hope he behaves like daddy did as a teenager.
In all honesty though, my parents wanted to hyphenate their names when they got married. I would be Hillary Wilder-St.Pierre.
Really? Hillary the Wilder St.Pierre. How is that for predicting the future? And the St.Pierre’s are a rowdy bunch as it is.
Thanks Mom and Dad for making the right decision.

2 comments:

eileen KSC said...

Hi Hillary the Wilder St. Pierre,
I Love it!!! I think that Lexi being a part of your life is all the Role Model she needs right now. When she's older, you can try to arrange for a 'tanner' one, but now, let her be 9 and see you show more strength than any one can conceive of, and get well.
Hang tough with those European cells!

sarab said...

Hey Hillary--I just spent about an hour catching up on all your latest posts. I'm out of the country in Greece & would you believe it, my biggest concern on October 10th was that we would be flying & I wouldn't be able to wish you a Happy Re-Birthday! Sounds like things are going well so far. Stay sassy and thanks for keeping all of us informed of the latest & greatest in your life. Say hi to your (S)Mother for me, too! Sara Burbee