Sleeping

I can’t get out of bed today. I’m stuck between sleep and wake. I always disliked the feeling of living life half asleep, but I’ve had a full day of it so far. J & X have left, mostly because of my inability to get out of bed and join the living population.
The problem started when I woke up, dry heaving, and then decided my marinol was the best medication to take. Usually, it wakes me up. I turn into an amusing person. I can play games and tell jokes with Xander.
This didn’t happen this time. It didn’t even take away my nausea and help me eat. It did nothing, so I took a kytril.
Still nothing.
Then I took an Ativan, and I think I’ve knocked myself on my ass for the day.
I’m sure the drugs aren’t the whole picture, but they probably contributed to it. My counts are lowering. I’m needing transfusions. Fatigue and nausea comes hand in hand with chemotherapy.
I was hoping, naively, that somehow I would get through this unscathed. I just had a mini transplant. I shouldn’t be experiencing symptoms like nausea. Of course, because I’m me, I am.
I’ve had this explained to me in the context of my youth, that my cells are reproducing so quickly and then dying off again so I am susceptible to nausea as a side effect.
I’ve also heard an explanation regarding the sheer amount of treatment I have had over the last several years.
I don’t know what to believe, but I’d really like to find a solution I’m not allergic to. I’m allergic to phenergan & compazine, but now I just say all phenothiazines, because these cause dyskenia. Dyskinesia is involuntary movements (like in parkinson’s) that could be permanent.
No thank you. I don’t want that fin my life.
Zofran gives me migraine headaches, because it has the opposite molecular structure of an anti-migrainal. Jorge, the pharmacist, told me 70% of patients have this problem. It is significant enough to report.
So I’ve chipped slowly away at my ability to take anti-emetics over the years.
Maybe, sometime, my nausea will just go away. That would solve this problem.
I’m particularly frustrated with feeling like this mixture of fatigue and nausea since I have time alone to do whatever I want, and I have ideas I’d like to relay for you, for the future. I can’t get them out of my head right now though, because I’m in too much of a fog, but I’ll get it out sometime.