The Bucket List

If you’ve never heard of the concept of a “bucket list” let me familiarize you with the concept. This is a list of activities to do before you “kick the bucket.” I, personally, have never had a bucket list. It sounds defeatist. If I really want to do something, I have always gone forward, but some friends of mine do, and their ideas amuse me.
I helped a friend check off a task on her bucket list earlier this year. She wanted to go swimming naked in the ocean. I told her to go for it, but this wasn’t on my bucket list, and if it was, we would be in St.Maarten, not Barbados, where skinny dipping is illegal. I told her I’d stay on the beach and look out for perverts.
She said we’d do it the next night. Well, the next night came and went and pretty soon it was the final night of our trip. We’d gone out celebrating. I banged backed a couple rum punches and decided there was no way my girl would go home without checking naked swimming off her list. I dragged her out to the beach when we got back to the hotel.
I stripped off my clothes and dove in. She waded tentatively and flopped in. “Hill,” I heard quietly. “This is nice, but I don’t know how to swim.”
“WHAT?! It’s not that kind of list. Are you trying to kill yourself? You can’t hop in the ocean naked at night and not know how to swim” I hollered.
I thought she wasn’t completing her list because she was embarrassed to swim naked, not scared of drowning.
We got out of the ocean, but my drunk, wet self just could not figure out the complicated dress I had put myself in earlier in the evening. My sober friend tried helping, but it was useless. I wrapped myself in my white, now see-through scarf, and prayed everyone was asleep while I started running to the room.
But no, I was not that lucky either, I looked up to see some dark man hiding in the shadows watching my white ass running around the beach half dressed and half draped in a transparent scarf.
Moral of the story, don’t add tasks that include nudity to your bucket list, and if you do, don’t include me in their completion. I, obviously, can’t handle them.
But in all seriousness, if you follow all the rules, you will miss out on the fun. Now go, and have some harmless good times in honor of me.