Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

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Saturday, November 15, 2008

Closing Ranks

I don’t know if I can do this anymore.
I have opened myself up too much. I have put myself in a position to be hurt openly and negatively affect those I love.
Maybe, I got my eyes on the prize and lost my perspective. I got tunnel vision.
Please respect my right to privacy on this issue.
If I want to talk, I will approach you.
Please be considerate and not mention how much I hurt right now. Do not ask why.
Hopefully, in the future, I can handle the pressure of being real. For now, I would like to hide and keep my problems to myself.
I have no control over anything. I am telling the world all my secrets, because I don’t want what I know to go down with me.
I can’t make the decision of where I want to go, when I want to go there, and who I want to go with.
I don’t say what medications I will and will not take, what I can eat, or how , where, and when I will be treated.
The only decision I do make on my own is what I’ll wear in the morning, and sometimes others like to influence this too.
My life belongs to everybody else. I want it back.
I’ll continue to post what I’ve previously written and have not published.
I do not want to have to cyber exile anybody. Feel free to comment or email your thoughts. Be gentle with me.
Unless your name is Heather and you’ve been with me since I was conceived, I don’t want to talk. I’m closing ranks.
I will put my cell on vibrate, unplug my phone, delete your profile, and block you as a user, just like my friends do in the era of technological dating when a relationship ends.
I’ll revisit this decision next week.
This is a previous writing I had yet to post:
“People tend to see strength as a tearless poker face that shows no fear.
Everybody wants to be a rock in public.
It is so much more difficult to show our true emotions.
I feel fearless.
I don’t carry the burden of showing the world a face that is not mine, a face that cracks and changes in private.”
Clearly, I’ve changed my mind. I’m a woman and this is a right I’m entitled to. Thank you for respecting my current decision.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I don't know what to say after reading your are doing such an amazing service for other cancer patients...your sharing your experiences is making it safe for others to know they aren't's also making it so much easier for friends and family to understand what's happening too!!! Not to mention your writing is outstanding........please, please continue writing. I believe you are making such a difference by being open, honest and direct........KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! And get well...the world needs more people like YOU!!!