I suck at Life

I thought, again, I should show what I specifically hide from everybody.
It’s one of those days.
If you think you’ve had a bad day, I’ll go head to head with you and prove mine is worse.
Let’s play a game and see whose life sucks the most.
Again, I’ll win. I suck at life.
I don’t even want to hang out with myself.
Maybe you think you know about this, but unless you’ve been sick like me, you have no idea.
I am at home. I was discharged last Saturday. I don’t know if I was clear on that.
I’m going for a CT of my sinuses tomorrow since nobody can seem to find a cause for my nasty cough.
My lungs are CLEAR. My labs are FABULOUS.
But the cough is nasty and I’m done with it!
I want it gone PRONTO. Fixing it yesterday would have been good.
I sound like my grandfather did when he was dying of lung cancer.
At least what I spit up is just yellowish/tannish/green. It is not pints of blood like pepere.
His example was enough to make me a lifelong NON-SMOKER.
I’m still carcinogenic. I’m toxic.
I’m not talking figuratively. I really am.
I have been told I have an “addictive personality,” and that’s NOT psyche speak.
Anyway, I’ve reached THAT point in recovery.
The point which I want out of my house. I’d actually really like out of my life.
These are my complaints: I’m in pain. I ache. I can’t stop coughing. My head hurts. I don’t have energy. I woke up at 7am and crawled back into bed at 9am. That is where I’m staying.
I don’t like to complain. Did what I just said help anybody?
I don’t think so.
I also feel like a boy. I’ve got my hoodie and my baggy pants on. My comfort clothes. When I wore these in High school I thought I was posting a clear sign: Don’t look, don’t touch, my body is mine.
Jon informed me that this idea backfired. Guys only look harder and use their imagination.
Their imagination?! This is horrible news. Honesty is not always the best policy Jon.
Now, I feel like a boy with my short hair and baggy clothes. Can anyone still really tell I’m female?
To make things worse, I’m all hormonally wrong. I’m a twenty-six year old menopausal woman. This started at 24 years old.
I’ve lost my femininity. Thank goodness I know who I am or I could have one big identity crisis.
Jamie Lee Curtis is genetically male. She was born as a hermaphrodite, and her chosen sex was female. Her genes say she is male.
I don’t know what I think about this, except she is decent looking.
I’m done having my crisis. I’m going to take a shower. Drink some Tussionex. Watch some Gray’s Anatomy and sleep. Just like a cancer vixen should.