Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Womanly Ways

“There are angry women who like women, and there are angry women who hate men, but there is a difference.”
I used my womanly ways today to encourage my husband to seek further medical treatment for his Crohn’s.
I’m going to use “womanly talents” instead of saying manipulating, conniving or deceiving. Those all sound so negative.
We all know we do it ladies.
It’s a time old tradition to convince a man that a “great idea” was theirs and they are really “helping themselves.”
We’re only looking out for you boys, we do genuinely want our men to be better people, but deep down, selfishly, we want them to be better people for us.
This being said, we’re going to have a frank talk about sexuality today, class.
I can all ready hear the grumblings from those who love and care for me about the “oversexualizing of Generation Y.”
I am part of a growing trend. I have been fed more images of beauty, attractiveness, and sexuality than any other generation previously.
Brittany Spears is my age, and I grew up hearing the comments from men about her. Maybe, you thought I didn’t. We all know how she has turned out now.
This has translated into a comfort with myself (or ourselves) that has not been seen in generations before.
It’s an unforeseen side effect of the feminist movement. Woman are behaving and talking like men, not just in bars and business, but in general life. Along with women’s suffrage has been a psychological push to think the same.
This gives rise to women like me, independent woman, who think for themselves, like to work and make money, do not need a man, but also have the capacity to understand men in the business world and work accordingly.
I think this is great.
What is not so great, are the previously “male” crimes that woman will eventually begin to commit, and the illegal activities they’ll be comfortable enough to engage in to get by.
Crime busters will need to look at both men and women as serial killers, drug smugglers, and embezzlers.
I know quite a few young intelligent women who hustle. They sell counterfeit or stolen goods. They braid hair or pirate DVDs, just like the men you’ll find on the corner.
Recently, through the Bunny Ranch in Nevada, a 23 year old co-ed is auctioning off her virginity. The bids have gotten to 3.5 million.
She says it’s “research” about how the male mind works, but the world is openly appalled.
I hear the gasps and the cries of shame, but deep down, the voice in the back of a lot of women’s head is screaming, “Why didn’t I think of that?”
How many of us are still with the man we lost of virginity to?
Times have changed. My friend’s mother told her, at 14, “No man is worth your virginity. Just get rid of it and get it over with.”
My friend did, and never looked back in regret. She never experienced heart break over a boy who no longer liked her that she had given so much of herself to.
She took the power and protected herself emotionally, got the experience she wanted sans tears, fears, and broken hearts.
This is a double edged sword of society, but I like that I am comfortable with myself and my body.
I like that I can show my niece strong, successful bootylicious black women for role models. I don’t ever want her to regret the way she is made.
I refer her to my girl Shaynee’s page, that proclaims “Sorry skinny chicks but big girls, thick girls, fat girls or whatever you want to name us, are coming up and doing our thang. So let's not get it twisted. BIG girls stand up. If you in the club, don't hide in the corner... NOPE, get in the middle of the dance floor and knock that skinny heffa down.”
I always did suspect, when we were at the club "throwing bows," a back-in-the-day hip-hop dance, that she was trying to take me out.
This is how I can stand up and be prepared to show the world me at my weakest, most difficult, unattractive moments.
It is unfortunate that, maybe people think, I objectify men and use “what my momma gave me” to get what I want.
I enjoy myself. I enjoy people. I have what I have.
I talk the way I do because I have been a construction worker, I can drive a truck, and I was raised in a barn.
If I’m bored, and feel like playing a game, I’ll let you know up front that it’s game on. No game is worth playing without a worthy, equal consenting opponent.
Either way, watch out boys. I am an honest, upfront women. I would never hurt anybody.
But there are others who do this out there.
I, personally, like my personality better than my looks. I’ve worked harder and put more interest and time in being who I am, but I did this, because I thought I was the “ugly twin.”
Like an “ugly” identical twin could exist when we look exactly alike, but Heather was more popular. I cultivated my personality to include kindness, compassion, intelligence, and humor to compensate for this.
Heather says I was just less “in your face” than she was. I was always okay going unnoticed. I preferred to be unnoticed. I still do. I like to hide behind Heather.
My writing and ranting is out of character, but I’m learning to love it and integrate it into myself.
I don’t think being a byproduct of my genes, generation, experiences, and exposure is negative. I’m me.
I’m perfectly imperfect.
As a general rule, I always want to leave those I encounter better than before. I will always conduct myself in accordance with this general rule. As for my girl T, here she is, in her infite beauty.

1 comment:

Frank said...

I'm at a loss for words ... how can a person so young, be so wise? Is it because you've looked down into that big abyss ... & seen your own immortality? Or are you just smarter than many of the rest of us were who took years to learn some of those lessons? Either way, thanks for putting yourself out there Hillary. You & your generation understand a lot that other generations were afraid to face openly ... & you are dealing with it in a much more healthy, proactive & positive manner.

As for wily women's ways? I hope you will keep telling women to be who they are ... to feel free to express themselves ... to be open & honest. As a man who has met a lot of women ... who thinks that women are special ... I will tell you that I've learned women who are open about who they are ... generally have less baggage & are happier for it.

So I say "You go girl!!"

And for any of you guys who might take umbrage to the idea of being with a women who is strong & independent ... try it ... you might like it!! There is nothing better than a smart, independent woman who knows what she wants.