Do you ever wonder, what someone else sees?
I have a secret. Again, I’m confessing. I wish others could do what I do. The world would be a better place.
I psychoanalyze people. I’m eerily consistent.
It is so much fun. It’s a hobby.
I don’t tell people this. The knowledge of what I do scares people. It intimidates them. They wonder what exactly I know and what I can see about them.
If you’re a good person, you have no need to worry.
Here is what I do.
When I meet a person, I narrow what I see. I ignore images others deem as important for a first impression.
I automatically smile genuinely and look into the person’s eyes.
I address them appropriately for the culture and the situation, but I always address someone new. This is an affirmation that they are a person that is interesting, and I think is worth knowing.
Every person’s presence and importance should be affirmed, always.
I appear genuinely interested. This is an art and a science. I like to think I have it mastered.
I let them know who I am. I light up my eyes as if I’m incredibly excited to meet them and relax my face slowly and gently as we’re done introducing ourselves.
I move my body like I’m talking to a best friend while keeping my distance and never touching except for handshakes, cheek kisses, air kisses, whatever. I let the situation guide me.
I look into their eyes and watch their reaction to my forwardness and friendliness. This tells me how at ease they are with others, their fears, their boundaries, their stereotypes, and possible thoughts regarding me.
I watch their facial expressions closely and read their “microexpressions,” minute changes in the musculature of the face most people are not aware of because they are caused by often reflexive brain innervations.
These expressions were not always reflexes. They were learned over a lifetime through experiences, associations, culture, etc. They are only now automatic because of the extent which they have been used.
I note their body language in response to mine. I see if they back away or shield themselves or greet me with the same genuine smile and excitement and I proceed accordingly.
I don’t judge on appearances.
There is a theory of “self fulfilling prophecy” in child psychology that I particularly enjoy.
Slightly altered for adults, we’ll call it an “expectation complex,” if you think someone is a certain way, if you judge on first expression, they’ll fulfill your expectations.
The world is full of people pleasers. In all of us, there is a child as a foundation that just wants to be accepted.
I like to see this in people. I like to see the flashes of childhood innocence, fears, and happiness that flash across everybody’s eyes no matter how grown they are.
This, in my experience, is a universal concept, it exists from Hanover to Harlem to Haiti, if you speak English or Patwa, and if you were born in Cambodia or Cambridge.
I think this is what makes me so huggable.
Maybe none of this is true, and people like me since I like them. Or I could just be a cool girl.
I enjoy the company of others. I want to learn through them. I love their knowledge and what they’ve gained through past experiences.
I think they should share their world and their mind with me. This way I’ll be able to understand a mindset similar to theirs if the situation ever appears.
I also am shameless in my search for knowledge. I just NEED to know what makes people who they are so I can appreciate them as a unique individual. It only takes a couple extra seconds of observation.
It requires opening your eyes and your mind a little wider when you are meeting, discussing, or talking with anybody. It takes the ability to welcome a wealth of information at one time, which we all do on an unconscious level, but I do consciously for my amusement. This is my hobby.
I don’t know how many people know I do this, since it does not require any extra efforts. My guess is two, until now.
I don’t show any outward clues. I just appear “different” and “social able.”
I used to think that if people used only 10% of their brains, and we were created in the likeness of God, if we used 100% of our brains we would have the power of God. Since this could never happen, I used to pray for the use of just a little bit more than 10%.
“Just 12% God, just 2% extra,” I used to pray when I was a child (I’d say 9 or so). I don’t know if my gift was granted, but I certainly consciously worked on expanding my mind to use it in its entire capacity.
Even if my talents are not a gift from God, I’m certainly blessed to have them and I enjoy it without being manipulative. Try, just for fun, to do the same today.
Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.
He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.
Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."
I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.
I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."