The Fight

I had a rough day yesterday, if you couldn’t tell.
I got in a fight with my man. Until now, I’ve remained mum on this aspect of my life. He is a good man. I call him my man since he misbehaves: he’s a little more than my babby’s daddy but he is not behaving like my husband.
If anyone sees the man I married, please send him back, he’s been missing for a while.
I have made my decision reagrding our discussion, and I hope he can live with it.
I consider my marriage a problem I don’t want to deal with right now.
Every marriage has their problems. We just have problem stacked on problem with another problem thrown in. Most of these we can not control.
I have cancer. I have been sick for years. I can’t cook, clean, mother, work, etc. I have nothing to give. I am a dependent entity.
He says this is okay, that he only wants me, until something makes him angry. Then watch out.
He suffers from Crohn’s and says he is still in pain despite a massive surgery he had in July. I tell him that is something we should complain about to his doctor. If he’s not going to fix it I don’t want to hear it.
Our financial life is chaos. I start getting ready to flip out if he walks into the room and says, “We got two new bills. . . .”
“That’s what we have B for! I don’t want to deal with those. You know they stress me out. Why do you even keep bringing them up?” I holler every single time.
I thought I made my stance on the bills clear: Aunt B will fight them for me and I’ll pretend they don’t exist except to deliver them to her.
She’ll let us know the balance.
Take it from me, trust is a huge issue in every relationship, but total honesty is not the best policy. J thinks it is.
The truth hurts and cutting words will stay forever.
I will not quote what he has said. I will say that this is a two way street and I am responsible for our problems as well.
J is a good man that cared for our son as a single father while I was in school. I commuted back and forth from NY, but he had X during the week. He took paternity leave. He raised our infant. He wanted us to be a family.
He dressed and fed our child while I worked so I could accomplish something, and we could have a cozy life.
I try to remember this, but it happened before we were married. Marriage changes things. I’d like my fiancé back.
We all have heard of men who leave their wives in the midst of cancer. They are labeled and blacklisted.
I don’t want this to be the case with J. He would never do this to me. He’d do the opposite, he’d stay to see me through despite what he wanted.
No matter what happens, he is still a good friend and the father of my child. Do not get up in arms and try to vilify him. He is a good guy and he is still my husband.