Baldies' Blog began originally in the UK by a 26 year old journalist with a blood cancer on a mission to inform the world about bone marrow donation.

He has since died, and I took on the cause of making cancer care more transparent for everybody.

Cancer is a disease that will touch everybody through diagnosis or affiliation: 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed and 1 in 3 woman will hear those words, "You Have Cancer."

I invite you to read how I feel along my journey and
how I am continuing to live a full life alongside my Hodgkin's lymphoma, with me controlling my cancer, not my cancer controlling me.

I hope that "Baldies' Blog" will prepare you to handle whatever life sends you, but especially if it's the message, "You Have Cancer."

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Being Me Again

***I'm having trouble postin vieo #1 for my next posting. I'll get it later*****
I’m starting to feel like myself again.
It’s a big breath of fresh air.
I feel like I can let go a big sigh of relief now.
I’m on the upswing. I feel good.
My appetite is usually one of the last bits to return.
My energy levels will require longer, much longer, and possibly may never recover fully.
Oh well, at least I was a little hyperactive to start with.
The immune system is not considered fully transplanted until 100 days. At that point it can be said it’s been successfully transplanted. After this day, I’m grafted.
Except, one women I did know did have her transplant fail after 120 days.
I try not to think about this exception to the rule, but how can I not. It’s especially hard since she was the first person I knew who actively fought cancer.
She looked a lot like me.
I don’t want to think about it.
Just because it is grafter does not mean it is MATURE. I will still have to be cautious. The cautious guidelines are a little gray. This phase was not included in the 10 lb three ring binder (believe it or not).
I’m glad this windfall of health and energy happened before the holidays. I think I’m in for a lot of fun, and as of Dec. 18th, today, I have exactly another month to hold out at home.
I spoke with the man in charge today (that’d be Dr. Alyea). He was not so keen on my idea about taping him. He had an explanation AGAIN that I didn’t like but respected and listened to.
I know you hid on me Melissa. I promise I would never hold you down and force you to share your opinions. No need to fear, and your hair does look great. The holidays agree with you.
Anyway, apparently 100 days is NOT an exact date where I can return to ALL my normal activities.
The four friends and their families I was going to pile into my house for broom hockey, NOT OKAY.
I need to transition.
I need to be cautious for 6 months after the 100 days!!!
How could this be sprung on me? Obviously, I have suffered too much for too long to do something stupid and jeopardize my health. I literally cannot afford much more treatment.
I tried to reframe my questions to get the response I wanted, but as soon as “Soooo…..” came out of my mouth, J intervened.
He told Alyea the answer was “no” and I was about to reconstruct a similar, but essentially the same, question to get him to change his answer.
I was not too happy J was blowing up my spot and ratting out my communication secrets. J also informed me he heard LOUD and CLEAR Alyea said 6 months.
Alyea is a very smart man, but I don’t think he speaks “woman” and I have never met anyone who speaks “Hillary” specifically. There is no degree in THAT. My man did not have to sell me out to the boy’s team.
Does this mean I won’t be coaching basketball?
Will I be canceling those vacations to The Zoo and the beach I had planned out in my head? The Zoo may be able to wait until June, but I need some warmth, but not sun, that’s on the “No List” FOREVER.
Just because I’m not in NH doesn’t mean I’m surrounded with people, so S. Carolina in March or April should be okay?
Maybe, DC in April with X is fine too? The Smithsonian can’t be that crowded.
I really like to “escape” and my future plans did include “socializing” in Boston, New York, Philly, DC, etc.,etc., and down the East coast to stay with friends.
Sometimes, I know the answer, but I just need someone with a lot of education and some sort of power over my life to tell me “NO.” This person cannot be family.
I’m not so big on this “no” word. I have been hearing it a lot lately.
I take it like the women I am, but deep inside, I want to behave like I did when I was a little girl with my father, or his friends, tried to deny me something. I’d start looking at them, confused, then pout and rephrase the question.
They couldn’t REALLY be saying “no” could they? I think I may have found a breed that CAN look me in the face and not let me do what I want.
I’m fascinated.
I would not do anything to jeopardize my health, but I would REALLY REALLY like to get away from my house somehow. I’m sure my sister’s is fine.
As for a HEALTH UPDATE, I am looking as good as I feel. I am feeling like I am getting back to my fabulous self. I’m feeling the upswing, and I have PERFECT labs to back me. As an example, I woke up and put together an OUTFIT, that was CLEAN. I looked good and I felt good, too many people don’t know how priceless this is. Happy holidays to me.

1 comment:

Frank said...

That's huge news Hillary ... & very good news indeed!! Being of the male persuasion ... & of the older & wiser (some would question that) variety ... I'm proud of J for selling you out!! You can be very convincing ... but I like the idea of not putting all that you've fought for at risk because you are impatient.

The Zoo ... the beach ... S. Carolina ... DC ... The Smithsonian ... “socializing” in Boston, New York, Philly, DC, etc.,etc., & down the East coast" ... will all be there waiting ... & all can all happen in their time.

So enjoy the "breath of fresh air" ... focus on the holidays ... & get strong.

You rock girl.