Cancer Comes with Great Presents

Sometimes I wonder if my cancer is worth the presents. I think about all the great things I have been given, and think, maybe the cancer card is not so bad.
Then I come back to my senses, and realize, nothing is worth the amount Ive suffered, the pain of I have caused my family, or the changes to my life.
I’d give everything back in a heart beat, but I don’t have to. I have cancer.
I got a WII fit from my brother and his girlfriend yesterday! I’ve been wanting one forever. I’d never splurge all $80 for this on myself. It will be a great rehab tool for winter. I can do yoga and do soccer moves. I can get a game to improve my balance, which I do really need.
I’ cant be falling all over the place anymore.
WIIs have started to be used in rehabs all over the country. Sullivan County Rehab has one. It’s a game of the future. The Jimmy Fund room has one. Video games are up and coming in cancer care.
Dana Farber also has a cell killer game based on the theory that you can visualize and train your brain to heal yourself for kids. I’m not sure how successful this is yet.
I’ve received beautiful upper and lower cabinets for my basement. I also received a concrete patio underneath my deck. I’m glad I freelanced in construction with dad for the past year, for free. Those friends can really come through to make me feel better. Thanks guys.
I’ve also received a thousand dollars just for me, to make me feel better. I thought I really could blow it all. I can’t in good conscience do that. So I will not be buying the Bose portable speaker with the auxillary port for $500.
I did buy an interior Surius radio speaker with a sub woofer for $150 because I all ready have the subscription. It sounds really good. I’m excited. I do better if I can blare my music and pretend I’m a teenager.
I did spend $120 on dresses. This was when I was awake all night the other night and became frivolous, but they’re so gorgeous. With tights, leggings, and knee high boots in style, I can wear them all winter. It did make me feel better.
I will probably be buying my Tiffany’s necklace for $195. I’ve been after it since I saw it.
It’s still incredibly hard to justify this kind of spending with my budget, but they said I could spend it “however I want to.”
Please try not to judge. It’s very easy to point fingers and tell me I’m misusing what I’ve been given. If you haven’t been in my situation, you don’t know. I’m trying to explain it to you.
I’ve gotten checks like this before, but I always end up spending it on groceries or Xander, because it decreases my anxiety about the future.
Right now, I’m not much of a planning for the future girl. I want some self esteem.
My insides feel ugly. I’m in constant pain. I don’t feel like myself.
I’ll be better if I look okay on the outside.
So I’ve tallied up $465 so far. The rest will likely go to Christmas presents. I can certainly do my Christmas shopping for $500.
I’m going to enjoy it.